You've been dating for a while; now, what will help you figure out if he's
Wondering whether to take your dating relationship to the next level, or keep looking? There are no hard and fast rules to love, so you'll need to listen to both your head and heart. But here are some questions to ask yourself to help you figure out whether a guy is a keeper, or simply excess baggage.
Does he possess your "non-negotiable"?
All girls have a list of qualities they want in an ideal guy, but when we outgrow fairy tales, we realize it's practically impossible to find anyone who'll meet our kilometric list of princely requirements. But just because your original list may be royally unrealistic, it doesn't mean you have to "settle." What's important is that he possesses the qualities, values and traits you hold most dear and absolutely can't compromise on (Loyal? God-fearing? Great sense of humor?).
Is he good to his family?
How a guy treats his family can usually clue you in on how he'll be with a family of his own in the future. Of course, there are always exceptions, so be ready to understand why he's the black sheep, or not on speaking terms with his family. Is he kind and respectful to his elders, patient and sweet to his little nephews and nieces, and not just for show? Pay special attention to how he treats his mom and sisters—but beware the mama's boy.
Is he a good listener?
You can forgive him if he tunes out when you talk about shopping or celebrity gossip, but does he pay attention to the things that really matter? Does he soothe your ruffled feathers when you talk about a misunderstanding with a good friend or rant about work? Does he rush out of an important meeting to sit quietly by your side when your pet passes away? Or does any other subject but himself bore him to death? Mr. Self-centered might not be quite so attractive when the romantic feelings fade, but a considerate guy who is attuned to your feelings has the makings of a great life partner.
Does he get you?
Your likes and dislikes, what makes you smile, what makes you frown? Does he take note of your favorite flower, how you take your coffee, how anything Jane Austen-related makes all your troubles go away? Does he keep a hanky handy for those times you bite your lip till it bleeds when you're nervous? When he takes the time to get to know you and the things that make you tick, you know he's truly interested in you—and not just in a trophy girlfriend.
Does he bring out the best in you?
Does he encourage you to pursue your own goals and interests, instead of just expecting your life to revolve around him? Does he, to paraphrase the famous line in the movie As Good As It Gets, make you want to be a better woman? Then you've got something special there (and remember, it takes two for a successful relationship, so don't expect him to do all the work). But if his playboy ways turn you into a suspicious,praning mess, if his violent temper keeps you on your defensive toes, or if his condescending attitude makes you feel shitty and convinces you that you're lucky he's even paying attention to you at all, it's time to wake up and smell the crap. Everyone deserves a chance at love—not servitude.
How does he make you feel?
We're not talking about butterflies in your tummy or peanut-butter-and-jelly knees. (You must at least have that to begin with.) We're talking about whether he makes you feel beautiful, special, confident, and LOVED. Do you like yourself when you're with him? Is he "The One" you can imagine yourself growing old with? Several months or years into the relationship, do your friends still tell you you're "glowing"—and it's not just the effect of your new whitening cream? If yes, then ding ding ding! You've got a keeper.
Remember, most guys are big on grand gestures to sweep you off your feet at the beginning of a relationship, but it's the little thoughtful, considerate, loving things he does every day that will clue you in on whether he's "forever" material.
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