What He's Thinking...But Won't Tell You

By SC Chua for Yahoo! Southeast Asia – Mon, Apr 15, 2013 9:04 PM PHT

Got a secret your guy doesn't know about? Guess what—so does he. Just like you, your guy has some secrets he'd rather you not know. Don't worry—they aren't that type of secrets (well, not all of them, anyway). We list six things your guy is thinking about but won't come clean with you, thanks to some inside information from the guys themselves!

1. He's thinking about…girly stuff

There are times when he's thinking about cooking up a feast. Or whether his new jacket will go with his favorite jeans. He even thinks about how his hair looks that day. Newsflash: Guys do think about the same things you do. The only difference? He's not going to gush about these things the way you do with your friends simply for one good reason—he doesn't think it's manly.Says Simon, 33, "I have a secret passion—shopping online. I've bought a few great bargains like a pair of shoes and an awesome jacket. But there is no way I can let this secret out of the bag, especially with my female friends. I will not hear the end of it!"

2. He's thinking about…sex

"Of course we think about sex all the time; what did you expect, we are men after all!" says Richard, 30. You know this is bound to come up. And we hate to break the news, but sometimes you're not in the picture when he's thinking about sex."Sometimes, a man isn't that fussy with his fantasies," says Lee, 28. That's the thing with men; his mind can get carried away when it comes to the deed. And there's no limit to his fantasy—whether it is with the girl in the next office or even that hot Hollywood star with those lips.But here's the good news—thinking about sex makes him want you even more, especially when research shows that a man thinks about sex at least 19 times a day!

3. He's thinking about…his hang-ups

He may act all macho but deep down inside—like everyone else—your guy has his own insecurities. Whether it is how he feels about his body (damn that gut!) or why his boss is giving him a hard time. "This may sound really girly, but I occasionally look in the mirror and think of how I need to go on a diet and hit the gym ASAP," says Brian, 33.And in case you've not noticed, your guy is sometimes in a mood that's less than perfect. Wouldn't you, if all you're thinking about is negative? But most likely he's not about to tell all over a drink, lest you think of him as a whiner. So the next time he's giving you one-word replies, chances are he's got a lot of things on his mind…and not because he's going to break up with you.

4. He's thinking about…how he misses being single

As much as he loves being with you, a guy will also miss his alone time where he gets to do his 'guy stuff' like watch basketball, eat with his fingers and leave his plates in the sink. And sometimes, he wonders what life will be like again as a singleton. "I've been with my girlfriend for two years and the relationship is wonderful. But I enjoy the days where I don't have to be with her because I get to do my own things. I miss my old ritual as a single man sometimes. But I can't tell her that; she's not going to understand and will think I don't appreciate her!" admits Tan, 34.So do cut your guy some slack—give him his alone time (instead of making him spend it with you at the nail spa!) and he'll love you just that much more.

5. He's thinking about…your friends

Okay, there will be times when he will think of how hot your friend Bianca is. He will also think of how annoying some of them can be and how they aren't treating you right.If you've got a friend who's taking you for granted, chances are your guy would have noticed. He'd probably even asked why you are still friends (only because he wants to look out for you!). Says Kay, 32: "When my girlfriend complains about her friends, I always wonder why she even bothers. But if I tell her that, she will say that I don't understand. So I rather keep my opinions to myself."

6. He's thinking about…how you'll break his heart

You know how you wonder if he will ever cheat on you or break your heart into pieces? Guess what—guys have the exact same thought. Especially when it is someone they really care about. "We are insecure folks too," says Dan, 27. "We worry that the person we are in love with may not be as in love with us as we are with them. Nobody wants to be dumped after all."The verdict is in: Everyone is afraid of getting hurt by someone they love—male or female. So if he acts uninterested when you're talking about that new guy in the office, he's probably wondering if you'll leave him for new guy.

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/what-he-s-thinking---but-won-t-tell-you-130410773.html;_ylt=AvoOiC_zt9Ib3NRIN9XHM5iKPmJH;_ylu=X3oDMTU1ZTBibGdoBG1pdANDeFMgQmVhdXR5VGFsazMgTGlzdHMgTWl4ZWRMaXN0IExvdmUgQXJ0aWNsZQRwa2cDYjI3YTFhNDktZWUwZi0zNjA5LWExMDAtYmY4NjEyYzQzOTM3BHBvcwMyNwRzZWMDTWVkaWFCTGlzdE1peGVkTFBDQVRlbXAEdmVyA2I4ZTAzOTkzLWJiNzAtMTFlMi1iZmY3LTk4MWI3YTc1N2Q3Yg--;_ylg=X3oDMTBhaWE5ZXVuBGxhbmcDZW4tUEg-;_ylv=3

Bad Working Habits To Break Right Now

By Pierra Calasanz-Labrador for Yahoo! Southeast Asia – Tue, May 7, 2013 8:49 PM PHT

Do you constantly gripe about your boss, check Facebook every five minutes, or time in late every single day? These commonplace habits could actually lead to a bad performance review, or in extreme cases, even dismissal. We asked HR manager/consultant Jennifer Joson-Virginio, who's had over 10 years of experience at both IT and publishing companies, to share with us management's top pet peeves that could put your job at risk.

Bad habit #1: Procrastination. In the workplace, this "bahala na/mañana (tomorrow) attitude" translates to disrespect for other people's time. Virginio says this includes, "Missing out on or being late for meetings, deadlines, reports, and dishonoring a previous agreement." Don't forget that you are part of a team, and your tardiness may affect productivity. And your job could really be on the line when a late or slapdash presentation costs the company a big client.

Remedy: Do whatever you can to get to work on time—go to bed early, prepare your outfit the night before, and don't forget to set your alarm. (Tip: The MMDA app for real time traffic updates is really useful.) Be aware of the scope and deadlines for every task/project, and work it into your schedule. Learn how to manage your time wisely and don't put off tasks you can accomplish.

Bad habit #2: Gossiping. It starts off innocently enough—people hanging around the water cooler venting about a co-worker or a boss. "But," says Virginio, "there's a very fine line between storytelling and rumor mongering, or when innocent chitchat turns into character assassination." Everybody does it anyway, right? So you rant about your boss, the cause of your misery. Or perhaps you sour grape over your co-worker's raise, and in true crab mentality fashion, nitpick, speculate, or even embellish to make the gossip session-turned-lynch mob more interesting.

Virginio says, "Talking about the boss, talking to the boss about others, talking to peers about others, posting rants, complaints, and blind items on social media, definitely fall under rumor mongering." And just because the subject of your ire isn't your Facebook friend, that doesn't guarantee that they won't see your posts!

Remedy: Remember that rule you learned in kindergarten? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. If you must talk about someone, stick to the facts—never make up stories, embellish the truth, or defame someone's character or work ethic to make yourself look good. And as for social media, remember, nothing is truly private in cyberspace.

Bad habit #3: Politicking. Virginio explains: "This means making a stand because this is what YOU believe is true and right." You may wonder how such a seemingly noble trait can get you in trouble, but it can be counterproductive when you're constantly at odds with management or stubbornly refuse to accept new ways of doing things. Yes, fight for what you believe in; but when you poison the staff against management and breed contempt instead of genuinely trying to find solutions, then you yourself become a problem that they will want to remove.

Remedy: When we come across things that we find wrong or unjust in the workplace, we must air our concerns in the proper forums, and try to suggest effective solutions instead of simply lambasting the system. The common goal of both staff and management is to have a harmonious working relationship; that means putting aside pride to see the other point of view. Says Virginio, a boss's pet peeve is "when you speak more than you listen. It should be directly proportional, with listening being a prerequisite to speaking."

Bad habit #4: Lying, Cheating, Stealing. From the little white lies you tell your boss about being sick (only for him to discover incriminating blow-by-blow accounts of your Boracay fun all over Twitter), to taking the credit for someone else's work, to falsifying documents or accepting kickbacks, every little fake thing you do can potentially cost you your job. Says Virginio, "No matter how small the lie/excuse/item/amount, it can lead to permanent loss of trust and confidence."

Remedy: Be honest, trustworthy and full of integrity. Lies can damage your image and reliability, but unscrupulous behavior (plagiarism, theft) is downright unforgivable and cause for termination.

Bad habit #5: Being unprofessional. There's nothing wrong with making the workplace fun, but take care not to be wildly inappropriate. Prime examples: Talking too much/talking too loudly/being disruptive during work, making lewd comments bordering on sexual harassment, and repeatedly disregarding the dress code or office etiquette. More unprofessional behavior includes being inconsiderate, unleashing your mood swings on co-workers, treating interns shabbily, or simply being a sourpuss and infecting everyone with your negative vibes.

Just remember: when it's downsizing-time and everyone on staff is equally skilled, it's the employee with an attitude problem that will be first on the chopping block.

Remedy: You're not in school anymore where detention or demerits were the only penalty; this time, inappropriate behavior goes into your professional record. To advance your career, it's important to have a professional attitude to match a great skill set. What's the first step to breaking a bad habit? Jen advises, "Believe in yourself but be humble enough to accept your mistakes and weaknesses, and listen to feedback with the genuine intention to improve oneself—everything becomes constructive after that."

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/bad-working-habits-to-break-right-now-124917155.html;_ylt=AprAJXjeZNgy7a1hZGfiUFyKPmJH;_ylu=X3oDMTU1cWg5N25pBG1pdANDeFMgQmVhdXR5VGFsazMgTGlzdHMgTWl4ZWRMaXN0IExvdmUgQXJ0aWNsZQRwa2cDYzE2NDRlZmQtZDQyMC0zMTkxLTk2MTMtNjk5MDFmNjFlZDUwBHBvcwMxNgRzZWMDTWVkaWFCTGlzdE1peGVkTFBDQVRlbXAEdmVyAzhlYWM5NDgxLWI3MTQtMTFlMi1iZmRkLThlNGQ0ODgyOWY1OA--;_ylg=X3oDMTBhaWE5ZXVuBGxhbmcDZW4tUEg-;_ylv=3

Find Out If He's A Keeper

By Pierra Calasanz-Labrador for Yahoo! Southeast Asia – Sat, Apr 20, 2013 8:49 AM PHT


You've been dating for a while; now, what will help you figure out if he's

Wondering whether to take your dating relationship to the next level, or keep looking? There are no hard and fast rules to love, so you'll need to listen to both your head and heart. But here are some questions to ask yourself to help you figure out whether a guy is a keeper, or simply excess baggage.

Does he possess your "non-negotiable"?

All girls have a list of qualities they want in an ideal guy, but when we outgrow fairy tales, we realize it's practically impossible to find anyone who'll meet our kilometric list of princely requirements. But just because your original list may be royally unrealistic, it doesn't mean you have to "settle." What's important is that he possesses the qualities, values and traits you hold most dear and absolutely can't compromise on (Loyal? God-fearing? Great sense of humor?).

Is he good to his family?

How a guy treats his family can usually clue you in on how he'll be with a family of his own in the future. Of course, there are always exceptions, so be ready to understand why he's the black sheep, or not on speaking terms with his family. Is he kind and respectful to his elders, patient and sweet to his little nephews and nieces, and not just for show? Pay special attention to how he treats his mom and sisters—but beware the mama's boy.

Is he a good listener?

You can forgive him if he tunes out when you talk about shopping or celebrity gossip, but does he pay attention to the things that really matter? Does he soothe your ruffled feathers when you talk about a misunderstanding with a good friend or rant about work? Does he rush out of an important meeting to sit quietly by your side when your pet passes away? Or does any other subject but himself bore him to death? Mr. Self-centered might not be quite so attractive when the romantic feelings fade, but a considerate guy who is attuned to your feelings has the makings of a great life partner.

Does he get you?

Your likes and dislikes, what makes you smile, what makes you frown? Does he take note of your favorite flower, how you take your coffee, how anything Jane Austen-related makes all your troubles go away? Does he keep a hanky handy for those times you bite your lip till it bleeds when you're nervous? When he takes the time to get to know you and the things that make you tick, you know he's truly interested in you—and not just in a trophy girlfriend.

Does he bring out the best in you?

Does he encourage you to pursue your own goals and interests, instead of just expecting your life to revolve around him? Does he, to paraphrase the famous line in the movie As Good As It Gets, make you want to be a better woman? Then you've got something special there (and remember, it takes two for a successful relationship, so don't expect him to do all the work). But if his playboy ways turn you into a suspicious,praning mess, if his violent temper keeps you on your defensive toes, or if his condescending attitude makes you feel shitty and convinces you that you're lucky he's even paying attention to you at all, it's time to wake up and smell the crap. Everyone deserves a chance at love—not servitude.

How does he make you feel?

We're not talking about butterflies in your tummy or peanut-butter-and-jelly knees. (You must at least have that to begin with.) We're talking about whether he makes you feel beautiful, special, confident, and LOVED. Do you like yourself when you're with him? Is he "The One" you can imagine yourself growing old with? Several months or years into the relationship, do your friends still tell you you're "glowing"—and it's not just the effect of your new whitening cream? If yes, then ding ding ding! You've got a keeper.

Remember, most guys are big on grand gestures to sweep you off your feet at the beginning of a relationship, but it's the little thoughtful, considerate, loving things he does every day that will clue you in on whether he's "forever" material.

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/find-out-if-he-s-a-keeper-004956131.html;_ylt=AgK0XqGLRgsDr.H_.ZIhuQuKPmJH;_ylu=X3oDMTU1dGt2ZzY3BG1pdANDeFMgQmVhdXR5VGFsazMgTGlzdHMgTWl4ZWRMaXN0IExvdmUgQXJ0aWNsZQRwa2cDZGNjMTkwYTEtNDNlYi0zZjk0LTlkNDAtN2QxYmQzZGUxN2JmBHBvcwMyOQRzZWMDTWVkaWFCTGlzdE1peGVkTFBDQVRlbXAEdmVyA2UzODRhYWYzLWJiNzAtMTFlMi1iNzJmLWM2YjkwZmFmNDNjNw--;_ylg=X3oDMTBhaWE5ZXVuBGxhbmcDZW4tUEg-;_ylv=3

Long-Distance Relationship Killers

By Pierra Calasanz-Labrador for Yahoo! Southeast Asia – Mon, Apr 15, 2013 10:06 PM PHT


Missing your loved one? Here are 10 things to avoid when romancing across the miles

You're in a relationship with the love of your life, when you discover you need to continue your romance long distance. You promise to keep in touch, you promise to stay true, but as time goes by the calls and emails taper off and you start to feel like you're drifting apart. How do you keep the love alive? Here are 10 long-distance relationship killers to steer clear of.

1. Don't be a green-eyed monster. Paolo Pineda, a 32-year-old fashion photographer, says, "If you don't trust the guy to begin with, the relationship won't work from day one. You will never know if the guy is doing something crazy and you might just end up going crazy thinking about it." Beware of falling into the vicious cycle of long-distance relationship jealousy. Paolo cautions, "Never compensate by doing something stupid to just get even."

2. Don't keep your partner in the dark. It can be difficult to keep each other updated long distance about all the little things going on in your daily lives, but no matter how busy you become, take the time to have meaningful conversations or send sweet surprises.

When your partner starts to feel like he's left out, not involved, or no longer important in your life, it can drive a wedge in your relationship. Reflecting on the demise of his past relationship, Paolo shares, "[The culprit was] not really jealousy or not much time together. I think it's more of not being able to see, share, and feel the other person's experience."

For new relationships, communication is extremely important for its growth. Teà Villamor*, a thirty-something editor who is currently navigating unchartered whirlwind long-distance territory with a jetsetting executive, shares, "Because Philippe wasn't based here, at first I wasn't really thinking that anything would come of it. But he was great at keeping communication lines open, like emails and calls every day. Communication is key." 

3. Don't hold each other back. This can only lead to resentment. Shares Paolo, "Demanding too much of each other's time and spending most of your nights/days on Skype rather than living your life wherever you are is very unhealthy. Try to live your life fully as an individual, but a committed one. Take advantage of your alone time by focusing on the things you've always wanted to achieve."Says Teà, "You have to balance having a life of your own, but also have something in common with him, which is difficult because you're not together."

4. Don't do anything you wouldn't want your partner to do. You're only human, and it's natural to be attracted to other people. But it's what you do about it that matters.Shares 32-year-old Mariel Chua Jimenez, who left to work in New York while her then-boyfriend (and now husband) Alvin stayed in Manila: "What worked for me was not going out clubbing and limiting my interactions with new people. My logic was if I didn't put myself in a situation where I could meet somebody, then I wouldn't meet somebody who could potentially be a threat in our relationship... And when I did start to develop crushes here and there, the above strategy worked because it set boundaries and nipped things in the bud."

5. Don't go MIA during fights. Make sure to hear each other out before changing your relationship status in your social media universe on the basis of a single rumor."Fighting in a long-distance relationship is the worst nightmare!" says Paolo. "First, you are very helpless. If the other person shuts you down you cannot do anything. Second, it's so expensive to fight over the phone. The only good thing is, you have more time [to collect your thoughts]. The only way to resolve things is to give each other time to cool down so you are both more reasonable, open-minded, and understanding [when seeing the situation from your partner's point of view]."

6. Don't entertain doubts. Teà shares, "Doubts can undermine a relationship—especially if it is not firmly established yet. You begin to wonder if the two of you are right for each other, if it would be better to just end it and find someone where you both are. You also begin to wonder if you're actually compatible or whether or not it's just the romance of being so far from each other that is keeping the relationship going..."

Have faith in your partner, but especially in yourself, so that you don't sabotage your own relationship with bouts of insecurity. Tea adds: "I think it really takes maturity to embark on a long distance relationship; and also, a resolve that you want to be with this person no matter what, to keep it going."

7. Don't blow things out of proportion. Multiply doubts by an overactive imagination or a comment taken out of context, and your relationship is practically doomed. Mariel shares, "I still remember what a friend told me: Know what's real and what's not real."

Teà shares, "The thing with long-distance relationships is that you tend to dwell/magnify problems that might not be that serious, but become serious precisely because you can't talk about it face to face. And because you essentially lead separate lives, there's a tendency to put your partner in the sidelines until your allotted time together, and that can create issues." If you feel like a situation is eating at you or getting out of hand, address it right away, and be done with it. Don't dredge it up again the next time you fight.

8. Don't forget that the relationship has to evolve. Shares Paolo, "Sometimes, the hardest part is not the time you guys are apart, but how you guys are going to be after the distance."

The saddest thing is when you can't recognize each other after being reunited; or worse, when one has changed drastically, and the other remains exactly the same, and you realize you're not on the same page anymore. The key is to keep sharing your experiences so you continue to feel like an important part of each other's life; and to keep striving to grow so that you both bring something new to the relationship.

9. Don't give up. Mariel and Alvin's deal was that he was supposed to follow her to the US after a year, but financial setbacks stretched that period to four years. "After the first year, I continued to cycle through these moments that also came with despair and anxiety. Fortunately, Alvin was very steadfast and unwavering in his love and commitment. I am forever grateful that he never gave up on me or indulged me during my moments and phases of doubt."

10. Don't be a stranger. Paolo shares that if he could've done things over, he would have visited his (ex-) girlfriend more often. He swears, "I'll never do another long-distance relationship, because next time, I won't let her go, or I'll be going wherever she goes."

Mariel shares, "In the four years we were apart, I went home twice for four months each and those 'sabbaticals' really helped. When I lost my job in New York one year, it was actually a blessing because it gave me a chance to come home and be with Alvin. Had I not been let go at that job, we probably wouldn't be married now," says Mariel, who is now a senior copywriter and beauty blogger.

"Now we're both based in New York—and our doggie too—it was all worth it!" Mariel notes that the secret to their successful long-distance relationship is not love alone, but "the decision to love and to stay committed. My faith and prayer also pulled me through those times I felt alone in NYC. Plus, Alvin and I can be silly and make each other laugh. Long-distance relationships are challenging, so if you are able to communicate on the same platform and make each other happy, no matter the distance, that helps make the logistics easier."*not her real name

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/long-distance-relationship-killers-140633020.html;_ylt=Ai_3fLRCcvGTfom8e_POO4mKPmJH;_ylu=X3oDMTU1b3Y3cnM3BG1pdANDeFMgQmVhdXR5VGFsazMgTGlzdHMgTWl4ZWRMaXN0IExvdmUgQXJ0aWNsZQRwa2cDYTJjMWYzNDItNDk5Ny0zYjYzLTg5NTYtNTQ2YWJlNGZmNzk4BHBvcwMxMQRzZWMDTWVkaWFCTGlzdE1peGVkTFBDQVRlbXAEdmVyAzQ4ZmZiYmQzLWJjNDktMTFlMi1hZWZlLTUzMWNjY2FmZjlmNQ--;_ylg=X3oDMTBhaWE5ZXVuBGxhbmcDZW4tUEg-;_ylv=3

How To Make Your Love Last

By Marie Calica for Yahoo! Southeast Asia – Mon, Apr 15, 2013 10:27 PM PHT

More than 15 years ago, I met an 80-something-year-old man in the Intensive Care Unit waiting room. My late father was in critical condition then, while this man's son who had suffered a heart attack was a few stalls away from my dad. Tito Paquito was this octogenarian's name, and we would see each other every day when it was our turn to keep watch over our respective family members. His wife, Tita Virgie, was a very sweet and beautiful woman who joined him every so often. They would have their packed lunch side by side, would meet with the doctors together, and sat in silence on the hard, uncomfortable plastic chairs of the ICU waiting room. The two had been college sweethearts, I found out during one of our lengthy conversations. And the way they looked at each other and spoke to one another inspired me to want that kind of relationship when I grow old.

Different people have different ways of keeping their relationship going, and so I asked several couples in long-term relationships what their secrets are to staying together:

Take them for who they are—warts and all. "To make one's love last is, from the onset, to accept the other person is a gift from God together with that person's strengths and frailties, seeing that these are complementary to one's own strengths and frailties. Then, from day to day, consciously make the effort to affirm each other in that love. As the old adage goes: 'take me for better or for worst, but don't take me for granted.'"—John and Peggy, married 44 years

Know your partner's language of love. "We all love the idea of a fairy tale ending, but life's not like that—at least not all the time. When we put our partner in a box and expect them to do things because you do them that way or your best friend's husband or wife does it that way, we'll be disappointed when they don't live up to it. Understand how your partner expresses their love, and appreciate that."—Deena and David, married 21 years 

Don't sweep issues under the rug. "There are times when we forgo confrontation to keep the peace. That's good sometimes, but if either of you suddenly becomes irritable, then it's time to talk."—Suzi and Paolo, married 11 years

Go long distance. "Being apart has its benefits. The distance is a good thing in a way because you don't ever get 'tired' of the relationship. It also helps ensure that we have a life outside the relationship, which is a healthy thing, long distance or not. It's easier these days of course. When he took his masters some years back, we connected via fax, ICQ, and email only (those were the days when the tech world was transitioning from Wordstar to Word, from DOS to Windows)."—Rowena and Jonathan, together 16 years 

Take chances. "Be excited to live life every day and experience new things. This type of attitude will definitely show in your actions and show your partner that there is always something great for you two to experience together or even apart. Who wants to be with a boring person? Even if you don't expect your partner to do a new activity with you, just having him (or her) see and feel your zest for life will show him (or her) that being with you is fun and exciting."—Lauren and Ian, married 12 years

Tito Paquito and I lost touch years ago, but I will never forget what he replied when I asked him for the secret to keeping his marriage so strong. "I still see her the same way I did when we first met," he told me with a twinkle in his eye.

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/-how-to-make-your-love-last-142705513.html;_ylt=AmSngpOzkuYONooMdN0KjzmKPmJH;_ylu=X3oDMTU1c2hwdnM2BG1pdANDeFMgQmVhdXR5VGFsazMgTGlzdHMgTWl4ZWRMaXN0IExvdmUgQXJ0aWNsZQRwa2cDNzdiZTQyYWMtZGQ5NS0zYzU0LThkZjYtMGRhYjEzZmE1MGRjBHBvcwMxNARzZWMDTWVkaWFCTGlzdE1peGVkTFBDQVRlbXAEdmVyA2EwNzVkN2UwLWE1ZDktMTFlMi04ZGZkLTQ3YWFhZDJhYTRhNw--;_ylg=X3oDMTBhaWE5ZXVuBGxhbmcDZW4tUEg-;_ylv=3

Biggest Fears of the Single Woman

By SC Chua for Yahoo! Southeast Asia – Mon, Apr 15, 2013 10:20 PM PHT

From appearing desperate to being single forever (gasp!), it seems that not having a plus one can be quite a daunting thing… or is it? Here, single women share their fears with us about being alone (it's goes beyond spending Saturday nights by your lonesome). There is even an official term for the fear of being single: Anuptaphobia!

Losing touch of the dating scene

Let's face it, going on a date is already daunting, but to go on a date when you've been out of touch of it for so long? Talk about nightmare for the singles.

"I just got out of a relationship and have decided I should go on dates again," says Kelly*. "It's been a while since my last date—I've been with my ex-boyfriend for five years. I am afraid that what used to work then wouldn't work now. I am a little bit rusty when it comes to flirting, and not to mention shy too... Worst still—what if nobody wants to date me?"

Face the fear: Fret not, says flirting expert and author of Flirt Fearlessly Rachel Dealto in an interview with Prevention. "Everybody can flirt; it's just about exercising that muscle. It's all about opening yourself up to something new. And when it comes to flirting, practice makes perfect," she says. What to do? Go on dates with different guys. And try some contact, as Dealto suggests. "Use a little bit of touch to reinforce a flirty comment. If they say something funny and you're laughing, touch them on the shoulder or hand. Just don't do it too much, or it gets weird."

My friends are all slowly signing up for married life

You know what it's like—as you grow older, more and more of your friends start settling down… except you, the single one, who is still on the lookout for The One. Before you know it, you're attending more baby showers than you are Friday Night Tequilas.

Michelle* can relate to the single-to-married phenomenon amongst her friends. "First, there were four… and now there's me, the only single one out of the group of my closest friends. The three of them get together and talk baby. I can't relate so I always excuse myself from their outings. Before I know it, there's nobody to hang out with on a Friday or Saturday night because all my friends have family commitments. Being single is no longer fun; it's just a sad situation to be in, especially when you are alone."

Face the fear: Single and sick of it? Don't be. While it can feel lonely when everyone else seems to be in a relationship, what you need to do is focus on yourself. Writes Molly Ford, founder of the popular Smart, Pretty and Awkward blog, in The Daily Muse, "Remember that comparing yourself and what you have or don't have to others is never a recipe for happiness. Ever. For that matter, marriage isn't always a recipe for happiness, either! Another important thing to remember is that there is no time frame for a great relationship. Loving, meaningful romantic relationships are not a limited-edition item. Remind yourself that there is not just one good relationship out there and whoever finds it first is the only one that gets it."

What if I never meet the one

Ah… the million dollar question (and top nightmare) for many single women: That they will never meet "him".Writes Dr. Amy Johnson, social psychologist and author of Modern Enlightenment: Psychological, Spiritual and Practical Ideas for a Better Life, "As a relationship coach, I talk to a lot of single women. It's pretty rare to find one who wants to be in a relationship, isn't in one and is perfectly relaxed about it. There is usually some fear lurking under the surface. Many are afraid that their ship has sailed, they let 'the one' get away or that the older and more established they get, it will only become harder to find someone who fits into their life."

Lisa* knows the feeling. "While I do enjoy being single, there is a nagging voice at the back of mind telling me that my clock is ticking and I shouldn't wait too long to settle down," says the 30-year-old. "I have friends who are older and single, and I see how difficult it is for them to find a man. Whether it is because they are picky or that they just aren't meeting the right men, the complaint is all the same: Where is my Prince Charming? I don't want to be 50 and wondering if maybe the guy I rejected was my happily ever after."

Face the fear: Here's what you need to know—there is no such thing as a soul mate and the faster you get that notion into your head, the easier it will be for you to find the relationship you want, says Jean Cirillo, author of The Soul Mate Myth: A 3-Step Program to Finding Real Love in an interview with iVillage. "If we remain stuck in the idea that every potential mate must meet an idealistic standard, we miss out on real opportunities to meet real people. When women speak of the ideal Mr. Right, they often mean a fantasy image of the perfect man." Cirillo's advice? "Have fun! You show yourself in the best light when you are having a good time. And try dating outside your 'type'. You may be pleasantly surprised."

And then there is the pressure to settle…

Your parents ask you about it. Your aunts bug you with the same question whenever there is a family gathering. Your friends—married of course—look at you sympathetically and say the same thing: "Isn't it time for you to find a nice man and settle down?"

Says single gal Karen*, "When I tell people I just meet that I am single, the first thing they ask is 'Why, what's wrong with you?' After that is done, they proceed to tell me that a girl like me shouldn't wait for too long and that the longer I wait, the harder it will be for me to settle down. On a good day, I brush it off with a laugh; but on days when I am feeling down, especially after a hard day at work, I do wish I have someone I can cuddle up with… Even the single and fabulous girls of Sex and the City got married. How's that for pressure?"

Face the fear: Unfortunately, there comes a time when people around us will hit the repeat button on the "when are you settling down?" question. What you need to do is to hit the mute button! Enjoy your singlehood and make the best out of it. Focusing too much on the fact that you're single will only bring you down. Also, the next time someone bugs you with the marriage question, here's what to say to them: Marriage may be overrated and it's proven. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family and cited in The Daily Mail showed that there is "no evidence that marriage and cohabitation provide benefits over being single in the realm of social ties."

Hot Recipes for a Sizzling Relationship

By Marie Calica for Yahoo! Southeast Asia – Wed, Apr 17, 2013 12:40 AM PHT

Whether you’ve been together for a year or 20, you need a few ingredients to keep the flame of love burning. Five couples share their tried and tested ways of spicing up their relationships.



“Act as if you’re strangers in a public place.” —Gerard, 38 and Tina, 37; married 8 years
Once a month the two choose a place—a club, restaurant, or bar—preferably a place they’ve never been to—and pretend that they’ve never met before. “We go there separately, that way we can seek each other out through the crowd,” says Tina a fitness instructor and mom to their two kids. “The anticipation of one coming up to the other with some sort of pick-up line is exciting,” shares Gerard, an IT consultant. Once one person starts the conversation and establishes his or her character, the other plays along and follows suit, creating his or her role on the spot. “Sometimes we can keep the charade for the entire night, and naturally we go home together and have great sex. But other times one of us cracks up early in to the role playing, and we end up reverting to our true selves, which is great, too,” says Gerard.

“Go to a motel!” —Adrienne, 30 and Vincent, 32; married 2 years
“Even if you have your own place, being in a motel feels kind of naughty. You can make all the noise you want without worrying about the neighbors,” says Adrienne, a writer. “Plus: mirrors!” It doesn’t even have to be a motel, adds Vincent, who says they have brought their lovemaking into the car. “It’s reminiscent of our dating days, so that makes it exciting. Because of the restricted room, we usually take the action into the bedroom where there’s more space,” says Vincent.

“Have great sex.” —George, 53 and Sandra, 50; together for 30 years
The two share an advertising business and are constantly together—at pre-production meetings with clients, photo shoots, event launches, or at home with their kids and young grand children who come to visit—you’d think they’d be sick of each other’s company. “How can you be sick of someone who you just had mind-blowing sex with this morning?” says Sandra as George laughs in the background. “We’ve been together for a long time, and we know what the other one likes, hates, and loves, so we work with those tips in mind and use them on each other in bed, in the bathroom airplane, in a fire exit—wherever!” adds George.

“Don’t go all the way!” —Kim, 28 and Gio, 28; married one year
Although they’ve been married only one year, the two have been high school sweethearts. “We waited until we were married before having sex,” shares Kim, a call center trainer. When they were still dating, the two would kiss on Kim’s parents’ living room couch for hours, then Gio would go home. “This went on for years, so when we finally got married, sex was so exciting for the both of us,” recalls Gio. “There are days when we go back to just kissing for hours, this time on our own couch, and just like in high school and college, I stop him, and we just cuddle,” says Kim. “The next day, however, I make up for it!” laughs Gio.

“Let your guy help in the housework.” —Francis, 42 and Frances, 43; married ten years
A recent American study showed that men who did house chores got less sex. Men who did the traditionally women’s chores, according to this study, appeared less masculine and therefore less attractive to their partners. “That’s not the case in our relationship,” argues Frances, a housewife. “I love it when my husband helps around the house. It shows that he supports me and is in this relationship for the long haul. I also think that when my husband trades in his jeans for an apron, he becomes even sexier,” says the mother of three.

Also read:

How To Make Your Love Last

Recapture Newlywed Bliss

Related gallery:  7 Cheap Date Ideas

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