7 signs he's not ready to commit

By Meagan Morris | Cosmopolitan – Thu, Feb 7, 2013 11:36 AM PHT


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A recent study shows that your man's parents have a lot to do with whether or not he'll commit to your relationship. Don't let that be an excuse: He's still a big boy and makes his own decisions. The problem? He doesn't always know-or tell you-about his intentions. That's why we asked Vondie Lozano, PhD, a California-based relationship therapist, to give us the low-down on the signs he can't commit.


1. He Can't Commit to the Small Stuff
Everyone has to reschedule a date or is late from time to time, but it's a problem if he makes a habit of it. If he can't commit to something little like that on a regular basis, it's not a good sign.

2. He Moves Too Fast
He brought up marriage on the third date, so you figured he was ready for a long-term thing. Now, he's avoiding you. What gives? He's not mature enough to actually make a commitment if he comes on really strong at first, but then loses interest. That's a sign he's just in it for the thrill of the chase.

Related: 7 signs he's a player

3. He Just Got Out of a Relationship
Don't expect him to make a real commitment if you're his first relationship after a bad breakup. Sure, it can work out…but it rarely does.

4. He Can't Keep His Eyes to Himself
It's one thing to appreciate a random hot person while you're in a relationship (we do it, too). But, he's definitely not ready to commit if he's constantly checking out other women while he's out with you. And frankly, you deserve better.

5. He Doesn't Make You a Priority
We get it: He has a stressful job that takes all of his time during the week. But, if he insists on spending his weekends with his boys and fitting you in whenever, that's not cool.

6. He Hasn't Introduced You to His Inner Circle
You've been seeing him on the regular for a few months, but he "forgets" to bring you along when he goes out with his buds or out to dinner with his parents. If it happens more than once, it's not an innocent mistake-he's just not ready to include you in his world.

7. He Tells You He's Not Ready
Guys do this (and, don't get us wrong, it's annoying): They'll say they don't want a relationship but keep calling, leaving you thinking he really does. Nope. It's tempting to hold out and hope he'll change, but you should definitely listen if he says he doesn't want a serious relationship. 

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/7-signs-he-s-not-ready-to-commit-033630945.html

8 ways to tell a man is in love with you

Cosmopolitan – Tue, Feb 19, 2013 6:04 PM PHT

Photo by MensXP.com

It's no secret that guys can take for-ev-er to drop the L-word. But just because he hasn't said "I love you" yet doesn't mean he isn't head over heels for you. We got real men to spill on the signs a guy is crazy about you.


1. You Catch Him Staring at You
Men always ogle the objects they desire - it's the reason you're always busting us cleavage-peeping. So consider: With all that eye candy out there, if it's you he's staring at, his affection runs deep. There's the secret stare (you'll have to catch him in the act). "Watching my girlfriend at a party allows me a private moment when I can pinch myself and wonder how I deserve this amazing person in my life - a perspective I can't get when she's right there in front of me," says Patrick, 30.

2. He Gazes in Your Eyes
Another I-love-you look is the steady gaze. Guys are guarded when it comes to showing emotion. If they lock eyes for a full-tilt, unabashed stare, they're lowering their shield to let you in. "I'd never hold that sort of eye contact with anyone else, but an intense gaze with my girlfriend reflects how comforted and captivated I am by her," says Chip, 29.

3. He Buys Food You Like
Discovering that his kitchen is loaded with granola, lemon-lime seltzer, and other feminine edibles (that would only pass his lips at gunpoint) shows you're lingering on his mind in the most unexpected, unromantic places - like the produce aisle on a solo shopping trip. "One day I checked out my shopping cart and saw all the bags of carrots and bottles of diet soda meant for my girlfriend," says Patrick. "It struck me that it had become second nature for me to consider what would make her happy, and that's when I knew I was in love."


Related: 7 signs he's not ready to commit


4. He Keeps Your Stuff Out at His Place
You see, men like to maintain at least the image of being detached for as long as possible. So leaving unmistakable evidence in their home that there's a woman present in their life is a bright red flag that you're The One.

5. He Talks About the Future
Telling you he plans to relocate one day may seem like a neon warning. However, it might also be his wily way of letting you know that he wants you in his future. "Every time I tell my girlfriend where I see 'me' down the road, I'm really trying to gauge whether she sees herself there with me," says Jon, 26. How do you know when a guy's just bragging about his game plan and when he's quietly declaring his love? It's all in the way he talks. If he tells you he wants to move to a beach, be a beach bum, and ogle the girls, no dice. If he mentions that he sees himself eventually settling down somewhere, then immediately asks if you could ever envision living there, he's emitting serious long-term relationship rays.

6. He Wears the Shirt You Gave Him
Trusting you behind the wheel of his wardrobe is something no man does readily. Not that guys are really all that picky about their appearance, it's just that we pride ourselves on being, well, ourselves. "Blame it on the inflated male ego, but to permit any tampering with our identity, even if it's for the better, is considered a sign of weakness," explains Seth, 29. Consequentially, every time a guy does don some item he obviously didn't pick out for himself, he's showing that he's letting you take control and do a little remodeling.


Related: Top 10 things guys say, and what they really mean


7. He Stands Right Next to You in Public
Where he stands when you're out together says a lot about where you stand in his life. Consider this key truth: Guys are hard-wired to check out women. That's why when a man's still uncertain about his feelings, he'll either trail several feet behind you or get out in front and lead the path - two safety positions that keep his wandering eyes hidden. Sidling up shoulder-to-shoulder is his way of showing his commitment by keeping his eyes right where you can see them. Plus, sticking close puts him in range of being touched in public by you, and that limits his ability to go after a sexy chick he may spy. "Being side-by-side puts my girlfriend within lips' reach, making it easy for her to whisper in my ear or lean in for a surprise quick kiss," says Ryan, 27. "It's my way of telling other women that I'm taken."

8. He's Okay With You Answering His Phone
Men never know what potentially image-damaging force might be lurking on their phone - from ex-girlfriends looking for a last hurrah to an overly inquisitive mom. If we let you answer that jingling time bomb, it means there's absolutely nothing about us we want to keep concealed from you. "Men aren't big on sharing. So when a guy lets you grab the phone - possibly making you privy to personal information you could use to blackmail him for the rest of his life - it means he's planning on staying with you for a very long time," says Rich, 29.

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/8-ways-to-tell-a-man-is-in-love-with-you-100458563.html

What men really want in a woman

By Original story by Lauren Otis | Cosmopolitan – Wed, Feb 27, 2013 3:23 PM PHT


We got guys to open up about just what they want in someone they'd love in the long-term.

"I kind of want the opposite of most guys I know: I'd secretly love a girl that's bad at cooking-all the easier for me to wow her with some of my home-cooked specialties." -Christian B.

"I want to be with a girl who, if she's on a different page from me on something, can hold her own in a debate about it. Disagreements can keep things fun." -Andrew H.

"I want a woman who doesn't act like a child when things don't go her way. You've got to be able to lose occasionally and show grace and poise in those moments (And I do too)." -Brady C.

"I want to get serious with a girl who pushes me to have a successful career. It motivates me when I talk to my girlfriend about work and she calls me out on being complacent or not doing everything I can to be the best at what I do. It really helps me to stay focused, especially since the whole reason I'm working is to be able to one day provide for a family." -Ryan G.

"I want a girl with a sense of adventure-it keeps things interesting. No matter how fun a routine might be, it can get boring eventually. Whether it's taking a cooking class or going surfing, it's great to be with someone who's open to new things. Dates with my girlfriend can range from hiking trips to checking out musicians at a weird, random party." -Alex R.


Related: Men's dreams and their meanings

"It's important to me to find someone understanding who realizes and respects that there are certain things that make guys, well, guys. We might not always be interested in the same things as women and might sometimes need our own guy time. As we move closer together in our relationship, certain things will begin to happen as a unit and we'll be a team, but it's still key to me to have someone who allows and understands those differences." -Marlon J.

"I need a woman who's trusting and doesn't get jealous easily. Above all, it shows me that she's confident in our relationship and in herself." -Dennis R.

"I really fall for someone who has gone through their own trials or tribulations and come out on top as a better person. It's a real test of character." -Oliver M.

"I want to lock down a girl that gets along with my friends. It's really important because friends can see through the BS that you can't when you're too infatuated with someone. So if she can sway my boys and have them eventually tell me, 'Hey, she's pretty cool,' without my asking them, I would definitely call it a win." -Brian S.

"Above all, I want a girl who can deal with my faults and love me for who I am, even on my worst days." -Alan A.

"Smart is sexy, so knowledge that eclipses my own would be amazing. I want her to humble me in a way that makes me legitimately appreciate her intellect and approach to conversation." -Max S.

"More than anything, I want support. I don't need tons of commonalities-I'd rather a woman back me in the things I'm passionate about that she doesn't have in common with me. She doesn't need to love motorcycles and wrestling or breakdancing and cooking, but if she understands and gives unconditional support despite our differences, I think that can really make a relationship." -Luan N. 

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/what-men-really-want-in-a-woman-072312767.html

3 words he never wants to hear you say

By Josh Aiello | Cosmopolitan – Mon, Feb 25, 2013 10:55 AM PHT


You may not even realize you're doing it, but saying these three little words is an instant turn-off to guys, not to mention awful for your own self-esteem. Writer Josh Aiello wants to put a stop to the pervasive phrase forever.

If you want to turn off a guy fast, allow me to recommend three magic words. To guys, these words are the Holy Grail of annoying things girls say, the abracada bra of instantaneous mood killers, the uglier cousin to the infamous lose-lose query: "Do I look fat in this?" The three words we pray you will never say to us: "I look fat."

Imagine the worst thing a guy could say to you (thought joggers: "I'm in love with your sister," "I killed a man..."), multiply it by 10, add a full weekend of nothing but golf on TV--and you'll start to understand just how awful it is for us to hear "I look fat" coming out of a girl's mouth, especially a girl we really like or, worse, love. Take it from my friend Adam, 34: "When a girl says she looks fat, all I think is, How can I get out of this conversation as quickly as possible? She's either fishing for compliments, she doesn't like herself, or she actually has gained weight, in which case I think, So what? Do something about it, or stop worrying and be comfortable with yourself the way you are," he says. "Whatever the reason, I'm basically like, Please, make this stop."

Now, I'm not a woman, but I'm guessing "Please, make this stop" isn't the reaction most girls are hoping for when talking to a guy. Yet that's where our brains go when we hear those three words. Here's why.

When You Say "I Look Fat," We Feel Helpless

Once we hear that, we know that no matter how many times we tell you how hot you look, you won't believe us. You've already crossed over to the dark side of deep insecurity and you're too far gone. Guys hate feeling helpless, but you already know that from that time we tried to assemble your Ikea bookshelf.


Related: 8 ways to tell a man is in love with you


It's a Guaranteed Killer of Good Times
"As soon as a girl says those words, the night's ruined," says my friend Will, 39. "She's already feeling down on herself and in a bad mood. It's a drag." It's also totally pointless. "It's basically like saying you look ugly," says Steve, 25. "Of course, we're not going to agree. If we did, we'd never hear the end of it."

You're Planting a Seed of Doubt in Our Minds

Your guy knows you're not fat. He can see you're not fat. But the more you say you're fat, the more he'll start to question the evidence. I once dated a really pretty girl who was convinced she was overweight. She told me she thought she was fat so often that when my parents came to visit, I didn't introduce her to them. Why? Because I doubted whether what I saw when I looked at her was what other, more objective people saw. Saying "I look fat" connects you and fat in a guy's mind. And once that connection has been made, it's tough to shake.


You're Making Us Feel Insecure Too!
I get it--there's an incredible amount of pressure on women to look perfect. But it's easy to forget guys feel some of this pressure too. "When a girl says she looks fat," my friend Afshin, 24, tells me, "First I'm like, Seriously? Then I think, Wait a minute....Is she? Followed by, Crap, now I feel fat. I should probably hit the gym tomorrow." On uttering those three words, a guy goes from having a good time to wondering why the girl he's with thinks she's fat to considering whether she is fat to feeling fat himself. That's quite a plunge.

So please, the next time the urge to say those three little words hits (even if it's just a force of habit), fight it. If you think you look fat, chances are, you really don't. And even if you have gained a few extra pounds, the guy you're with probably doesn't care. So take it from a guy: Don't mention it. 

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/3-words-he-never-wants-to-hear-you-say-025505961.html

7 benefits of being intimate

By Meagan Morris | Cosmopolitan – Wed, Feb 27, 2013 3:57 PM PHT


Okay, we know sex is all about maxing out your pleasure. But it turns out it's good for your health, too. We asked Jennifer Landa, MD, chief medical officer of BodyLogicMD and author of The Sex Drive Solution for Women to give us the low-down on the health benefits of sex.


1. It Boosts Your Brain
Sex increases your bod's dopamine levels-the hormone that improves your memory and motivation. So basically climaxing is the gift that keeps on giving.

2. It Burns Calories
Don't feel like hitting the gym? Grab your guy and head to the bedroom. A 30-minute romp in the sheets can burn upwards of 150 calories. That's like running a mile on the treadmill!

3. It Destresses You
We're all stressed to the max-and all that worry releases the stress hormone cortisol. The problem with cortisol? Having too much of it in your blood stream can lead to everything from high blood sugar to weight gain. When you get your freak on, it helps you relax, lowering the stress levels in your bod.

4. It Keeps You Healthy
Regular sex with your guy can actually prevent colds, thanks to the hormone prolactin. This hormone has an important role in strengthening your immune system by increasing the production of T and B lymphocytes (aka immune cells). We'll take that over chicken soup any day.

Related: What his sex fantasies really mean

5. It Helps You Sleep
When you have sex, the cuddle hormone oxytocin is released. That increases your bond with your guy, but it also helps you sleep. Niiice.

6. It Makes You Bendy
Think of sex like a good strength training session: You use a ton of muscle groups during a good sesh. And it's a lot more fun than doing squats at the gym for an hour.

7. It's Good for Your Heart
The hormone testosterone is usually associated with big-muscled dudes, but our bods make it, too. Sex helps increase the release of the hormone, which in turn improves your energy levels and strengthens vital body parts, like your muscles, bones, and heart. 

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/7-benefits-of-being-intimate-075757720.html

5 Easy Ways to Please Your Man

By Dara Adeeyo | Cosmopolitan – Thu, Jun 6, 2013 6:27 PM PHT


5 Easy Ways to Please Your ManWe know you wanna make your guy happy as much as you can, so we got experts to dish advice on how you can please your man. These tips are so simple, you'll be able to execute ASAP and soon your dude will be calling you the best girlfriend ever. 


1. Leave Him Alone 
Not all the time. But when he first comes home from work, or when he's really stressed out about something, sometimes what a guy wants most is to be quiet and by himself for a little while. When a guy's lady recognizes this and gives him that space, he notices and is grateful. 

2. Let Him Be in Charge 
Let's face it. Guys like to feel like they're in control. Try letting go of your need to be right (even when you probably are). Sometimes you just need to let him pick the route, the restaurant, or the movie without interjecting your "better" idea. This will make him feel like he's in charge and that you trust him. 


Related: 5 signs a guy is toxic



3. Give Him A Sexy Surprise 
Maybe putting on lingerie isn't your thing. No sweat, guys don't need that all the time. But try going outside your comfort zone every now and then. Meet him out for a drink in an especially little LBD, or surprise him with some sexy underwear. He'll know you're doing it just for him. 

4. Lend Him an Ear 
It's tempting to take control when your dude is in a rut, but pause for a second. Try not to solve his problem or tell him how you would do it if you were in his shoes. Let him talk, listen, and be supportive. Jumping in to fix rips his masculinity away, and puts you, instead, in that role. What he wants is some feminine nurturing, so listen, give him a hug, and let him vent. 


Related: 8 compliments your man wants to hear

5. Make it Clear Your Want Him 
You don't need to be overtly sexual to let your guy know you want him right then and there. Try subtle things like momentarily slipping your hand into his crotch during the drive home, or at a movie, or under the table at dinner. Him knowing how sexually attracted you are to him will please him like no other. 

SOURCE: Ky Henderson, modernman.com; Marni Battista, datingwithdignity.com 

Are You Ready To Forgive?

By Anna Cruz for Yahoo! Southeast Asia – Mon, Apr 15, 2013 9:46 PM PHT


Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment, giving way to a more positive outlook in life

You've heard the saying: To err is human, to forgive is divine. While one may never truly forget a wrong, it's not exactly impossible to truly forgive.

Perhaps one of the reasons people have such a hard time forgiving is that they don't fully understand what "forgiveness" means. Forgiveness does not in any way mean you condone the other person's hurtful behavior.

The Mayo Clinic defines forgiveness as: "a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge." In short, forgiveness is accepting that the hurt has happened, and you are no longer harboring any negative feelings over it—and in doing so, you are freeing yourself from harmful and upsetting thoughts, giving way to a more positive outlook in life.

Forgiveness means you no longer hold a grudge. Grudges are a one-way ticket to self-destruction: you are actually hurting yourself, not the one who offended you. By dwelling on the hurt, you are in a constant state of anger that can make you forget about the positive things in life. Holding a grudge means you are too focused on the wrong that happened, that you fail to notice what's happening.

Living in the past is a horrible way to go on with life, as you fail to enjoy the present. I know a woman who has been holding a grudge against her already-dead husband for the past 15 years! She is so self-absorbed in her anger that while she was physically present when her grandchildren grew up, she hardly remembers their milestones or any moment of happiness with them.

How to Forgive

The first step is to consider the value of forgiveness to you. While you may think you're better off hating that person for what he or she has done to you, you'll only be holding a grudge: and you will in no way benefit from this. True forgiveness will help you have healthier relationships in the future, and will help lessen your anxiety and stress.

Next, reflect on the facts of the situation. What brought about the act? How did you react to it? Could you have acted differently? Try to be as objective as possible. This step may be too much to handle if you are still very emotional about the situation—and in no means is this step meant to make you dwell on the act. Just take a step back from what happened and look at the events from a stranger's point of view.

When you feel you are ready, actively choose to forgive. It's easy to say, "Okay, I forgive him," when deep down you still wish a piano would randomly fall on his head while he crosses the street. Try this exercise: look in the mirror, and say out loud, "While I am upset about what (insert name here) did, I am actively choosing to forgive him/her." Keep doing this and try your best to mean it. You will be surprised how, one day, you'll wake up, and feel exceptionally lighter.

Once you've forgiven, move away from the role of "victim." The person wronged you—but that doesn't mean you are helpless and in need of pity. Do not let this person's hurtful act hold you from being happy and enjoying life. Rise above the situation and show the world that you are a survivor!

And lastly, accept that forgiveness will not change the person, or cause reconciliation. Oftentimes, we forgive people, and believe that by doing so means they will change for the better, or that things will go back to the way they were. This is not always the case. Change must come from within oneself: you cannot do anything to change another person. Also, while some acts can be forgiven, it does not always mean reconciliation will follow. Some cases—like death or the refusal of one party to communicate—might prevent a reconciliation to happen. But that doesn't mean you can't still forgive. Remember, forgiveness is mostly for yourself, not for the other person.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." And he was right. Being hateful and harboring anger is easier than accepting the imperfections this world has to offer. It takes guts to, as Oprah Winfrey said: "give yourself permission to release from your past—and step forward with the mud of resentment cleared from your wings...."

SOURCE: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/are-you-ready-to-forgive--134609797.html;_ylt=Arxfr8yeU2HQtZPfMyRIGoKKPmJH;_ylu=X3oDMTU1MXRxMjNxBG1pdANDeFMgQmVhdXR5VGFsazMgTGlzdHMgTWl4ZWRMaXN0IExvdmUgQXJ0aWNsZQRwa2cDNjgzNzJhNDgtYjgyMS0zMjJhLTk2NTUtYzc3YWY3YjIyYjk3BHBvcwMyMQRzZWMDTWVkaWFCTGlzdE1peGVkTFBDQVRlbXAEdmVyAzBiMWI4M2EzLWJiNzAtMTFlMi1iZDdmLTViMGNkNmVkOGMzNA--;_ylg=X3oDMTBhaWE5ZXVuBGxhbmcDZW4tUEg-;_ylv=3